A Little Understanding

When I first started writing this blog it was never with the intention of writing about my childhood experiences. Sure, I knew it would come up at some point, but I never suspected that it would be my main focus.

It’s a little annoying to be honest. I mean, I have always enjoyed writing, and despite what I write on this blog, my miserable life experiences are not the only thing I write about.

I love poetry – not reading it, just writing it. I’m not exactly talented at it, but it’s a way for me to be creative, to express myself. Ok, so the majority of my poetry is dark and negative, but there is the odd piece that has a glimmer of hope and a dream of a better life. I love writing short stories – admittedly, I haven’t written one for a while, but I wrote a fair few not that long ago.

And my novel… ah my blasted novel. What to do, what to do! Its been sitting on my shelf (well, now its packed in a box) for about 10 years or so now, untouched and unloved. I planned and planned that story so much that I don’t actually know what’s going on in it anymore. I had that many ideas for it I couldn’t actually decide on the final plotline. I wrote the prologue and the first two chapters, I had created my own language for it, planned each individual character, created a whole world for all the action to take place, planned historical events that would help shape the future of my world, designed the law and the whole political structure… I think too much planning put me off. Its as though I had already wrote the story in my head that it was too much effort to put it down on paper.

If any of you would like to read my poor attempt so far you can find the prologue over at Judiths Room!

I am confused by a lot of things at the moment. My writing is the only way that I can work through certain things as I struggle to express myself vocally. I have had a few people comment to me recently that they are surprised by my honesty on my blog, that I share so freely some of the things that I have experienced where most people wouldn’t. Well this is where i am at the moment. This is what i need to do. I don't write everything here, some things just don't need to be said, or are things that i myself find too hard to mention.

There is so much more that i could share with you. But for now, I shall leave you with this:

This is me
And all my generosity
This is me
And all of my monstrosities

This is me
Laid bare before your eyes
This is me
I wear no disguise

This is me
Naked to the core
This is me
I cannot give you more