What Not To Do When Being Burgled...

If you realised you had a burglar in your house, what would you do? Call the police? Turn a light on? Make some noise to alert the criminals to your presence? Send the dog downstairs to scare them off? Shake fearfully under your duvet and hope they go away? I'm sure any sensible person would have done one of the above.

So what did i do when last night i realised there were strangers in the house? Yep, you guessed it - none of the above. Stupidly i did the following...

I realised they were in the kitchen, which is right underneath my bedroom. So i opened my window, leaned out as far as i could so they would be able to hear me and shouted:

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU BUNCH OF SCABROTS BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!"

Yes, i used the word scabrot. What does that even mean!?

Surprisingly, i didn't get stabbed, or shot, or have anything stolen. The two teenagers that entered my house seemed to notice the anger in my voice and scurried off as quickly as they could, heaving themselves back out the kitchen window and stumbling and tripping over the mines in the garden that are Riley's squeaky toys. It was actually quite a comical getaway.

Shortly after the teenage crooks left the premises my adrenaline began to wear off, and the cough that has tortured me for the last God knows how long began to kick in. And i mean kick. I was coughing so much that i could hardly breathe, and that is a very frightening feeling. I began to panic. I tried using the inhaler that ive been given by my doctor but i was all fumbly and couldn't hold the silly thing in my shaking hands, never mind attempt to actually use it. My head was spinning, my heart was racing, my hole body was shaking and i'm still desperately trying to catch my breath.

Ten minutes later when my panic attack stops and i have managed to calm myself down, i use the inhaler, have a glass of water, and go back to bed. At this point, i am exhausted. Panic attacks always wear me down, they litterally drain the life out of me. Thankfully i don't have them as much as i used to do!

So there i was, lying in my bed all warm and comfy and then it hits me - i nearly got burgled. I am all alone. There were strangers in my house. I am all alone. Anything could have happened. I am all alone...

Roll on panic attack number two.

Needless to say it has been a very long night. When i got out of bed this morning at half past eight all i could manage to do was crawl to the bathroom and throw up. Curse these nerves of mine! At least now i am calmer and can focus properly on the day ahead. I have gone through the motions of adrenaline, realisation, fear, guilt, and now i'm just angry. Bastards in my house, how dare they! Little shits will get a good kick up the arse if i see them near this house again!

*shakes fist with vigour*

Day 1 in the Mighty Maggots House...

(Mighty Maggot is my mums nickname for those who dont know!)

So cooking was a disaster. I figured id just attempt cooking meat on its own being as though I’m not a confident cook, so my first project was sausages. They seemed to come out rather well, they looked as though they were cooked perfectly, and looked all nice and yummy on the inside too. But when I bit into it it was cold and squidgey and bleh. A little under cooked me thinks. So I fed the bin instead. Attempt two of my evening came in the form of a pork chop steak-type-thingy. I even managed to get that wrong – seems I overcompensated on the cooking time after my failed sausages and over cooked it so it was rubbery and chewy and… beans on toast tonight I think!

On a more positive note, I didn’t burn down the house! Celebrations!

I spent the evening lazing around for the most part. I had a bath, even though i had already showered that morning. I washed up, cleaned the kitchen, then spent the rest of the evening vegged out in front of the TV, something i never do. I watched the Star Trek movie which i had borrowed from Darren at work and was surprised that i actually liked it. I'm quite concerned that i may turn into a trekkie and be mocked by my family for the rest of my days. Though thats probably just becuase i thought James Kirk was cute haha, so i think i'm probably safe. Do you know what was the best part of my night? Being able to walk around the house naked. Yes, you heard me: naked. The blinds and curtains were of course closed, but it was just that extra bit of freedom to be able to do what i wanted, when i wanted. Damn it i want my own house and i want it now! *stomps feet*

My trip to the doctor ended up costing me another £12 or so. Seems he thinks I may have mild asthma, curse my gene pool! *shakes fist* So I have been given an inhaler to use as and when necessary, and a peak flow meter which I need to use to record my breathing output morning and night. Apparently the average reading for a healthy person is around 450 – 500. My reading last night was 340 and the one this morning barely touched 250. I’m guessing that’s bad haha.

On the brighter side, my results came back from my Visual Evoked test and everything seems normal. So after all the testing I’ve had recently, my neurologists conclusion is and I quote “there doesn’t appear to be anything to worry about”. Which is all well and good and a huge relief off my mind after all the scare stories of tumours strokes and MS I had been told. But it still doesn’t explain why I randomly get pins and needles down the one side, why I get random numbness in my arm, hands and feet, why my arm randomly aches and feels like it is too heavy to lift, why I get headaches, blurred vision, feel dizzy and feint, tremors… But apparently its nothing to worry about!

However I may have found an explanation, at least for some of my symptoms. I have been reading a book recently on my PCOS and it turns out a lot of the things going wrong with me at the moment could all be down to that. Certainly fainting and dizziness, my chronic fatigue, and the random joint pain can be explained this way. The blurred vision can be linked with my lack of sleep, as can the tremors as my body is being overworked so the shaking is a sign of stress. Apparently. Pins and needles and the numbness could just mean I have poor circulation, which would also explain why I’m always so bloody cold! Majority of the above symptoms could also be explained with the reasoning of stress, or from the side effects of the many pills I am currently taking. So I guess its just another reason to try and get my PCOS under control.

Random thoughts to leave you with:

Why do old ladies always wear shoes that are too big for them?
Why are chocolate buttons called ‘buttons’? They aren’t buttons, they’re just circles!
Does the earth on Mars taste like Mars bars?
Does the man on the moon ever get lonely?
Why is a cup of tea called a cup of tea? Lets get real here, its just flavoured water! “I’d like a cup of hot water with some milk and sugar and a scare of a tea bag please!” Hmm guess it doesn’t quote roll off the tongue…

Home Alone

I hate public transport. It is just so unreliable. I spent 45 minutes this morning standing in the freezing cold because of buses leaving early. I have to catch 2 buses to work and if one leaves early, I can usually just about make it into town to catch the second one if I run. (Thank God the station is downhill!) But if that one leaves early… meh. Needless to say, today, one is not amused.

I am off to the doctors this afternoon. I have had a cough for quite a while now and both mum and Ben have been on to me to get it checked out. So I am. I only seem to cough last thing at night and first thing in the morning but it is really annoying! It’s a dry cough, but it sounds chesty. Mum thinks I may be allergic to the dog, my friend online thinks it sounds like asthma, and I just thought it was an annoying cough that would never go away haha. Might mention a few other things to the doctor… though to be honest I’m sick of seeing him in recent months and im guessing the feeling is mutual.

My mum has jetted off to Lanzarote for the week so I am left at home to look after the dog… and fend for myself. Last time I cooked for myself I gave myself food poisoning, so I’m a little apprehensive! The length of my culinary skills stretches to beans on toast. I am a huge lover of the microwave! But you know, im 26, I really should learn to cook properly. How I managed to survive 18 months living in Holland I’ll never know! Maybe I dreamt the whole thing? Perhaps I was in a coma or something and didn’t know? Hmm… something I shall discuss with Drew!

I’m feeling a little brave though. I may actually cook something properly today. I think perhaps a nice chicken breast (though it will have to be fried as our oven doesn’t work) with some mushrooms and erm.. mashed potatoes perhaps. I think I could probably manage that without too much risk of setting the house on fire. Don’t think mum would be very appreciative of that…

“Kelly, I’m home!! … um, where is the house!?”

Might solve my current housing issues though! Ooo planage! :O

Bullies on the Bus

You would think that age 26 I would be free from bullies, that bullying is something that only happens at school and such. Alas not. I dread going out in public, I have for quite a while. At least, I do during the day as I cannot hide in the light. For you see, I suffer from a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS for short) and because of this I have various symptoms that bullies relish in. I have really bad acne due to the hormone imbalance caused by my PCOS, but because of my sensitive skin I rarely wear make-up as this only irritates me and makes my acne worse. I have various other symptoms too, some which are too embarrassing to write about here. But the bullies notice. They notice every single thing that bothers me about my condition, and the name calling begins. I always try and hide when I’m on the bus, sit amongst the elderly as the name calling isn’t as bad then, or have my coat hood up and slouch and just pretend not to hear the hurtful words directed my way. I have always had really long hair and so I always wear it long and loose, another way to try and hide my face from show. My social life has suffered severely because of bullying. My self-confidence has dwindled too. I hate looking in the mirror, for I don’t see the pretty face I’m told I have, or the beautiful smile that I always get complimented on, or the eyes that people assure me are alluring and expressive. I see the greasy hair, the dry and flaky skin, the itchy acne, the painful boil-type lumps under my skin, the facial hair that only men should have… I don’t like being me.

Josie's writing workshop

A blog recently recommended to me by my closest friend does a weekly writing workshop, so this week i figured i would take up the challenge.

The initial post can be found here:

http://sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/11/16/writing-prompts-5-were-back-in-business-baby/

And my offering, can be found here! I opted for option 5, "write about a deep, dark fear" and here is what i ended up with. The conclusion quite suprised me. I thought my deepest fear was something else, but alas not...

Fear

I am covered in scars
Each one has a meaning
Scars that refuse to heal
I am emotionally bleeding
My heart is a jigsaw
Many peices, broken
Stuck together, fragile
Due to actions left unspoken
I need the glue to fix me
I cannot break again
I will not be the fool
I will not take the pain
I beg you not to hurt me
I beg you to hold me dear
For loosing you would finish me
And that's my biggest fear

Awakening

I was reading through my book of poems that ive wrote, and at the time of writing, the below poem was something i only dreamt i would one day feel, needless to say, i have reached that point in my life, and so i thought i would share this with you.

Awakening

Whispered promises by candle light
Slowly awakening my appetite
Concupisence, your touch refined
Endorsing pleasures once denied
Satin kisses on velvet skin
Fueling fire felt deep within
Arousing senses that once were numb
I feel i'm falling i must succumb
Consumed with emotions only you inspire
Screaming out with rapt desire
Returning life to my tortured soul
Our bodies join, at last i'm whole.

What will they do next!?

I like to regularly trawl through random news papers, and i am constantly amazed at the stupidity and rediculous-ness of some people! I honestly believe the world is going mad.

Once again due to the wonderful thing that is H&S (Health and Safety to most people, 'Heap of Shit' to me), the government has spent an unreasonable ammount of money to produce a 93 page document to teach police officers how to... ride a bike. Yes, you read that correctly. Ride a bike. Because apparently our parents don't teach us how to do this anymore *sigh*, the document will teach them how to balance correctly, how to turn, and how to avoid curbs.

OMG. That's all i can say.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1227122/Police-93-page-guide-ride-bike.html

Random introductory facts

Hi there! My name is Kelly, though i get called many things as people seem to struggle with this name. The sandwich lady who visits my work premises at lunch time has been calling me Hayley for the last 18 months =/

I have a tendency to over use lol, haha and hehe, as well as ^^ :O and =)

I have a strange obsession with Spongebob Squarepants and get quite annoyed when my boyfriend doesnt wake me up on a Sunday morning to watch it! I even bought myself a mug and coaster set with Spongebob on, but i dont have the heart to use them in case i ruin them haha... which is rather silly really being as though they only set me back £1.99 =/

I can stick my big toe up at a 90 degree angle, which both my brother and boyfriend find really annoying, and somewhat freaky. but hey, everyone needs a party trick right?

I feel things very deeply. I hurt deeply, i love deeply. I'm a very emotional person, i guess you could say i'm too emotional sometimes, but hey ho, thats just who i am.

I like to write. Obviously, thats why i'm here. Doesn't mean i'm very good at it, or that i write as often as i should lol. Maybe with a little motivation (or a chocolate bar dangling off a stick in front of me to keep me at the computer), i may actually write something with a bit of, i don't know, umph? Something with meat, something... interesting.

I have a tendancy to ramble... so before i do, i'm going to go make myself a cup of tea, grab the last of the custard creams out the cupboad, and sit down for half hour before tucking in for an early night.