Submission

Actions speak louder than words
I hope the saying is true
As i lay myself before you
See me for who i am
I cannot hide behind my nakedness
Emotions caught in my throat
Too much to say when a kiss can say it all
You were the fire i needed
My frozen core had time to thaw
Its you that holds the key
To open up my door
And take my breath away

A Little Understanding

When I first started writing this blog it was never with the intention of writing about my childhood experiences. Sure, I knew it would come up at some point, but I never suspected that it would be my main focus.

It’s a little annoying to be honest. I mean, I have always enjoyed writing, and despite what I write on this blog, my miserable life experiences are not the only thing I write about.

I love poetry – not reading it, just writing it. I’m not exactly talented at it, but it’s a way for me to be creative, to express myself. Ok, so the majority of my poetry is dark and negative, but there is the odd piece that has a glimmer of hope and a dream of a better life. I love writing short stories – admittedly, I haven’t written one for a while, but I wrote a fair few not that long ago.

And my novel… ah my blasted novel. What to do, what to do! Its been sitting on my shelf (well, now its packed in a box) for about 10 years or so now, untouched and unloved. I planned and planned that story so much that I don’t actually know what’s going on in it anymore. I had that many ideas for it I couldn’t actually decide on the final plotline. I wrote the prologue and the first two chapters, I had created my own language for it, planned each individual character, created a whole world for all the action to take place, planned historical events that would help shape the future of my world, designed the law and the whole political structure… I think too much planning put me off. Its as though I had already wrote the story in my head that it was too much effort to put it down on paper.

If any of you would like to read my poor attempt so far you can find the prologue over at Judiths Room!

I am confused by a lot of things at the moment. My writing is the only way that I can work through certain things as I struggle to express myself vocally. I have had a few people comment to me recently that they are surprised by my honesty on my blog, that I share so freely some of the things that I have experienced where most people wouldn’t. Well this is where i am at the moment. This is what i need to do. I don't write everything here, some things just don't need to be said, or are things that i myself find too hard to mention.

There is so much more that i could share with you. But for now, I shall leave you with this:

This is me
And all my generosity
This is me
And all of my monstrosities

This is me
Laid bare before your eyes
This is me
I wear no disguise

This is me
Naked to the core
This is me
I cannot give you more

Mmm...

Its Wednesday again and I have once more participated in Josies’ Writing Workshop. This week I chose prompt 1 as I remembered a poem that I wrote a while back that perfectly fit the topic of “what is your addiction?”.

The Writing Workshop can be found here:

http://sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/12/07/writing-workshop-8-addictions-and-epiphanies/

My entry can be found below!

Mmm…

I dream of the wonders of the sugary delight
Resist I might but I cannot fight
Giving in to temptation I over indulge
Enjoying every crumb, ignoring my bulge

Lots of sugar to feed my addiction
“You’ll only ruin your complexion!”
But with Dairy Milk and Jelly Tots
Who cares if I get lots of spots?

Embracing my desire for that sugar rush
“Don’t eat that! You eat too much!”
“Keep eating this way you’ll get really fat!”
Ah, shut up, hand me that chocolate!

Like Britney Spears I sing ‘Gimmie more!’
Yearning for treats that I adore
For who cares about E-Numbers, I don’t count the calorie
My world is complete with just chocolate and me!

Josie's writing workshop

A blog recently recommended to me by my closest friend does a weekly writing workshop, so this week i figured i would take up the challenge.

The initial post can be found here:

http://sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2009/11/16/writing-prompts-5-were-back-in-business-baby/

And my offering, can be found here! I opted for option 5, "write about a deep, dark fear" and here is what i ended up with. The conclusion quite suprised me. I thought my deepest fear was something else, but alas not...

Fear

I am covered in scars
Each one has a meaning
Scars that refuse to heal
I am emotionally bleeding
My heart is a jigsaw
Many peices, broken
Stuck together, fragile
Due to actions left unspoken
I need the glue to fix me
I cannot break again
I will not be the fool
I will not take the pain
I beg you not to hurt me
I beg you to hold me dear
For loosing you would finish me
And that's my biggest fear

Awakening

I was reading through my book of poems that ive wrote, and at the time of writing, the below poem was something i only dreamt i would one day feel, needless to say, i have reached that point in my life, and so i thought i would share this with you.

Awakening

Whispered promises by candle light
Slowly awakening my appetite
Concupisence, your touch refined
Endorsing pleasures once denied
Satin kisses on velvet skin
Fueling fire felt deep within
Arousing senses that once were numb
I feel i'm falling i must succumb
Consumed with emotions only you inspire
Screaming out with rapt desire
Returning life to my tortured soul
Our bodies join, at last i'm whole.