Thursday, June 24, 2010

Inner Darkness

This was written for prompt 2 of the Writing Workshop held over at Sleep is for the Weak.

Depression. Lately, it is my world. I have suffered with it since i was a teenager, but recently, it seems to have taken a real hold of me. Shadows constantly surrounding me, everywhere i look there is darkness, gloom and misery.

Isolation. I have taken to hiding myself away from the world. Catch 22 for me really. I feel so sad and lonely, i physically cannot make myself leave my house to go and socialise for i feel so bad and worthless inside.

Suffocating. The air around me is dense, too dense to feel like I'm breathing easily. Every breath is a struggle, i wonder why i bother to keep breathing. A feint glimmer of hope that pierces the veil of darkness tells me there is a reason, I am just yet to find it.

Pain. Its not a physical ache, but my heart truly hurts from all the misery i have inside. Why can't i feel the happiness that others do?

Anger. I have this volcano of hate deep inside, I'm not sure who to direct it at. The people who have hurt me? Others, who feel happiness whilst i lay here on the edge of suicide? Or myself, for not being strong, not being able to beat this monster inside of me?

Worthless. I feel like dirt under somebody's shoe. Maybe i just don't deserve to be happy?

Tearful. Tears stream from dejected eyes. Once again i am crying, for what reason i cannot fathom. Sometimes i don't need a reason.

Drained. I am being pulled downwards, it is a battle to keep myself upright. Demons pulling at my soul, dragging me further into the darkness, beckoning me forth.

Numb. There are so many emotions swirling in my head, it is hard to focus on just one of them. I am consumed with them all that sometimes, i cannot feel any of them.

Despair. Uncontrolled despair. I wish i were stronger, braver... I wish i didn't feel this way. I wish i were someone else.

I wish lost of things.

But wishing doesn't help.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear that you are in the grips of this. I hope writing about it offers you some catharsis. This is an elegantly written post.

  2. Heartbreaking post. You're so brave to post it and please know that you're not alone *hug*