Tuesday, December 15, 2009
A New Perspective
It’s Christmas. Yes, I know, sharp aren’t I? But it is that time of year when you sit back and analyse your life, your year, and you realise that things aren’t actually that bad.
I have been through some crap in my time. And I mean crap. Some crap that even those closest to me don’t know about. I have never had a need to divulge certain things, nor will I ever. There is just no need, it would accomplish nothing. Perhaps that’s why people don’t understand why my depression runs so deep, and sometimes I just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning.
But I digress…
Its Christmas. I want to express how thankful I am for who I am. And for me to be me, I must be thankful for the life that I have had, the experiences I have had, for they have shaped me, my opinions, my emotions… Me. And on the whole, I believe I am a nice person. I have my faults of course, doesn’t everyone? But overall, I think I am a decent human being.
Don’t get me wrong, my life is far from perfect. I’m on anti-depressants, I’m in therapy, and I have seen a psychiatrist. But when I put things into perspective, what do I really have to worry about?
I am healthy. (More or less – nothing major to worry about anyways!).
I have a roof over my head.
I have a job.
I have a family.
I have friends.
I am loved.
I am IN love.
But most importantly…
I am alive.
A colleague at work had some bad news this week. His 26 year old cousin has died of a heart attack. She has left behind a husband and 3 young children, one of which is severely disabled.
26. I am 26.
Death can hit us at any time. And for this very reason, I have decided that I need to focus more on the good things in my life, rather than worry and stress about all the problems in my life. Think of all the things I am missing out on because of my anxiety? Why should I worry all the time about what people think of me, or what they will say if I do a certain thing? What does it matter to them? And why is it so important to me? It makes no sense.
I’m going to focus on the future. I’m going to live for the now. I’m going to live for me.